Thursday, April 18, 2013

The Stages of Madness in One Email

            I’m not going to give much explanation for this, but allow me to say that the following was written at four in the morning, right after I finished my review of Seraphina. I needed to send it to my teach/editor so I wrote this email, with the intention of it being nice and short, sticking to the facts. However, my conscious mind fell out of favor with my hands, allowing my subconscious to rise. You are about to read an unedited glimpse into my (sleep deprived) mind.

"Okay, I'm going to be honest with you. In my current state of being, I could mistake a turd for a gold bar. I wrote a review in this state, and those leading up to it. Do you see problems here? Because I apparently thought this intelligent, wise, diligent. It may have been diligent, but wise and intelligent? No. What this all means is that the review probably smells as bad as lindbergh on an August day. Almost sure the first paragraph will have to be scrapped completely, who knows what operations I'll have to do to the rest. After the first paragraph, everything became a blur. Thing is, we already established that I am in no state to write a review, so I am also in no state to judge one either. If the review is horrid enough I'll put it up as a warning and lesson, "Kids, sleep before thinking." Positive messages, right? People like that sort of stuff. Also, this has been a great lesson in sleep deprivation torture; you can't trust a thing that the person says. I feel like I could break into reciting Paradise Lost, which I haven't even laid eyes on before!

A Sleep Deprivation edition would be quite funny actually. Maybe that should become a Feature. Couldn't be on books though... Maybe my interpretations of needlessly dense poems? It'd have to be an unedited feature.

Have I ever mentioned I get really talky when I am tired? I do. I hope you haven't read this far down. This is time of your life you will never get back, just so you know. Of course you know that. Almost everyime someone says "just so you know" it's something that person knows obviously. It'd be weird if humans weren't so weird. Would you look at that? I'm a philosopher!

This poetry thing needs to happen. Just read this email. There is potential there. Potential for madness and content as bad as can be, but No BS Books has shit right in its name afterall. Sneaky, huh? Feel like a politician, writing loopholes into laws.

Pretty sure this email is going to be brought up in class, isn't it? Wonder if I'll remember it tomorrow. Just so you know, a half lucid rant on memory was barely avoided just now. My now, not yours. Obviously.

Anyways, due to me having to fight off vicious land sharks, my history probably will be done by just before class. Can't imagine that will throw any major wrenches into anything, but sorry if it does. Those land sharks were going to eat somebody if I didn't prevent it. Hell, I'll probably be Time's person of the year for what I did.

Anyways (yes, two consecutive paragraphs starting with "anyways." What did you expect at this point of the email? Hemingway? London? Shakespeare? Frost?) probably best that I go crawl in bed, leave... this in the past.

-Cain/Ken/Man of Many Mad Ramblings Past Midnight or KCMMMRPM for short. Pronounced like the procuring and spitting of a loogie.

PS- As an individual versed in the English language, this email must send shivers down your spine, for I am assuming that I accidentally wrote the almost as complicated language that is gibberish. Such an under valued language these days, reserved to big business and politicians. Gotta love "edgy" comments."


  1. Just reread this, and funny thing, I'm getting that headache back again. ;)

    1. You are forever to be scarred by the memories of The Email. It'll be like a bad horror movie.

    2. Which is exactly why I don't watch horror movies!

  2. All I have to say is, I can't wait until you're 21 and we start seeing drunk posts.

    1. Well, I can only hope I'm doing this in five year's time. What I really wanna do is stay up all night at some point, then just pound a Monster, then write something for the blog. That'll bring in its own brand of insanity, without resorting to such a horrid act as underage drinking.